While being here I have learned what “Home” means to me. If
you are away from your home for a very long time it is much easier to see what
made your home the special thing that it was. I have learned that my home is
not simply a structure. My home is my routine and my freedom. I miss being able
to cook whatever I want and when I want to. I miss having a place that is mine and
where I do not feel displaced or awkward. I miss my school. I even miss my job
a bit. I miss my gym and my late night work outs. I miss my friends and family.
I miss my sister and her little family a lot. I miss my car. I miss my late
night walks with Lisa. I miss having my family so close to me. Though this has
made me realize that I could have driven the 30 minutes to see them more often.
Now here I sit wanting to pay 900$ just to go for one weekend. I simply don’t have the money for that so it will
not be happening; and honestly, 900$ could be better spent… I miss lying on my bed with my door open. I
MISS MY WINDOWS! I specifically selected my apartment because it was so bright
and my room had two walls with large windows… here- I HAVE NO WINDOWS.
The ultimately sad part is that there are others who have
never in their lives had the things that I miss. There are people who are stuck
in rooms without windows, instead of simply having to live in one. People who
have not experienced the freedom in a road trip because they have never had a
car. Many can’t afford higher education and do not have jobs. Some people have
lost their entire family rather than just parts of it and others have no friends
at all. While I am getting fat off of junk food, beer, and being bummed about
not being able to exercise- others starve.
I know all of this yet it does not change the fact that I miss
my home. I knew I would experience culture shock, but I did not know in which
form it would come. I was warned about the ups and downs of studying abroad. It
does not make it any more fun. Although I wish I could go home for the weekend,
this experience is preparing me for the time when I DO live abroad for a longer
period of time. I have learned that I am not ready and I will not be for a few
more years. This is okay though, because I still need to see more of the world,
I need to study the Spanish language intensely, I need to acquire more skills
to use in the field, and I need to be better prepared in general. In a few
months I will look back on how miserably I miss my home right now, and I will
most likely see more merit in it. Though I must admit- right now it feels
pretty darn crappy.
