I have now been in Costa Rica for 39 days. The first two
weeks were easy. When you are surrounded by gringos, have a private bus that carts
you around, and a guide that translates everything you could possibly need… Who
needs to know Spanish? There is an easy
Answer- no one. It is very much like the United States in that I am able to go
anywhere in my country and I am confident that someone could help me to have my
needs met. I would never think twice about the fact that I only speak English,
and while at times I might notice Spanish I would not feel completely inconvenienced
or at a disadvantage for not knowing it. While studying at UPEACE for two weeks
I must admit that I felt pretty good when I understood a bit of Spanish. After
all, not much was presented to me so I felt pretty good about the amount that
was coming my way! How hard could it be to learn more?
Well- As it turns out, it is much harder than I would have
thought. My second two weeks here involved a school where if you wanted
something from the administration you must first attempt to ask for it in Spanish.
It was not uncommon to ask someone that did not speak English, and therefore if
you failed you were out of luck until you found someone else. I lived with a
family that spoke little to no English. I became a master at smiling and
nodding. Hand gestures become much more useful, and not just something that the
Italians do. I found that 30% of what I understood was due to my vocabulary,
10% was due to gestures and 60% was common sense from the context of the
conversation. This is only of what I understood…. Which- was about 15% of what
was presented to me. I continued to learn. We had small classes and in my
second week I added private lessons where I had a great tutor. He challenged me
more than I would have asked for or thought reasonable to be honest. It is one
thing to feel stupid while discussing a topic of which you know nothing. Entirely
different to feel ignorant while discussing a topic you have spent years
studying. He asked me to discuss with him the similarities and differences
between psychology and speech therapy. While I have much to say on this topic-
I simply do not have the vocabulary or grammar to do it in Spanish!!
I tried though. Imagine my frustration at being the student
that I am in the states; With my grades and my arrogance and my weaseling of
the system- and then to be asked a simple question and not being able to say 5
sentences on the matter? It was horrifying. We worked through it. And afterwards
he continued to challenge me. You don’t know how many times I growled and said “I
don’t have the words” or “I can’t say it” How many times I wanted to assure
someone that I actually am a semi-intelligent person. I have even expressed
that in the Spanish world I am not that smart.
Now at my new school I am again living in a home where I do
not speak English. We travel more here and there is constant threat of being
ripped off by a taxi driver. In addition I have had to look up common things
that I might WANT to say to a taxi driver when I think he is pulling my leg.
Things I would never have to worry about in the states pop up here all the
time. In Spanish I can ask for directions easily… Do you think this means I
will understand the answer I receive? It absolutely does not. In Spanish I can
usually tell someone what I need or want. Will I understand their response? No.
Can I say most things that I want to? Yeah! But can I say them in the shortest,
most grammatically correct way possible? Heck No- and I mess up all the time.
It is VERY interesting being on the other side of a language
barrier. If I thought I had patience for foreign students before this I was
wrong. To even think one time that I wished someone could speak faster so that
I could leave or so that I could just help them and move on was a regretful
thought on my part, and it probably did not only happen once. While I have
admired the patience in others while they help I never felt TOO guilty about
not having the patience myself- until now. I remember being at a peace
conference in Ohio with Barbara and meeting an important woman from Egypt. She
was very quiet and we thought she was timid or simply a typical Middle East
woman. WRONG. Give a woman a translator and suddenly she is the most amazing
person you have ever had the privilege of listening to as she screams outrage
at the world.
Many times here I am afraid to try to speak Spanish because
I know I am not very good. Many times here I doubt that what I have said is
correct. I often wonder if people are making fun of me, and I fear that I will
not be able to understand responses. Sometimes I let others speak for me because
it is easier, and I almost always regret this. I found a place here that I would like to
work. I asked what the requirements were and the first response was, “Are you
bilingual?” Damn. Next comment, “Well you’re beautiful and that is half the
qualification” HAHA. If only it were the CORRECT half. I am beautiful and yet
someone who is ugly, with less specialized education, and with a worse personality
would be 100 times more qualified. Therefore, it is not half the battle after
all.
I now feel at a disadvantage. If I wanted to go to the
hospital on my own I cannot. If I wanted to go to the mall on my own I would not
readily know which bus to take. God forbid I ever take a wrong bus I will not
easily be able to ask directions for the correct bus. I am constantly in danger
of being taken advantage of or lied to. I cannot easily read nutrition
information and I cannot read the news without a dictionary. Often I have to
ask people to translate certain things and even when I think I know something
on my own I could easily be wrong.
The conversation instructor that I had spoken of was
incredibly patient. I have gained friends here that have put in great effort.
People have extended a hand and helped me in places that I did not expect and I
could not be more grateful. While I thought I was aware before I have found
that I was not, and I know that I still have much to learn. I hope that in the
future I always have this memory of being on the wrong side. As well as that when
I meet others in my position; that I can respond in a manner which does not make
them feel that they are on the wrong side- but rather a different side.
This is an experience that I would never give up.
