One Young Lady... Six Families... One World.

I have started to type so many different entries about my homestays in Costa Rica and Panama, but they never seem to say what I want to say. Maybe I don’t know what I want to say, more than possible- highly likely.

I paid to stay with 3 different families, though I would consider myself to have 5. Two of my families were of humble means, though one more than the other, and I found these families to be much more warm and welcoming than the family I lived with that had the most money. I was most unhappy with the wealthy family. Mind you- my use of the word wealthy in Costa Rica is entirely different than my use of the word wealthy in the States… Keep that in mind.

During my stay in Central America I lived among many bugs including centipedes, ants, cockroaches, fleas, and more. I lived with lizards too, though I considered them to be my friends because they eat the mosquitos. I stayed in one place where my mattress was set atop cardboard on its frame. In this room I learned to check structures before standing on them (VERY valid lesson). In two of the four homes I stayed in, I could expect hot water but not be disappointed if it ran out. In one of these houses I was frequently given an electric shock while accidently touching the shower head (unpleasant but certainly wakes you up!).

One of my families was highly religious. I loved them dearly but their virtuous expectations made me feel guilty about my less than innocent life style. Another family was perfect in terms of religion and politics, but hardly spoke to me, and therefore I did not practice Spanish or form much of a relationship with them. I did not spend much time with my family in Panama- Only 5 days due to the fact that I left early to cross the border with Heiner. I imagine though, that we would have gotten along splendidly! I ate breakfast and dinner every day with my mum, and she was lovely to chat with. I usually ate fish that my dad there had caught, and it was delicious. Both of the families that I consider to be less wealthy served mostly fried food and the two with more money served healthier choices in addition to a wider variety.

By far my favorite families are the two that I did not pay. I think that that makes them more like a real family anyway right? One of them includes Heiner, Elizabeth, and the staff at Canal Grande. I feel so at home at that hotel and Heiner and Elizabeth are two of the greatest friends I could ask for in a foreign country. Hanging out with Heiner in Panama was fantastic as well, then he let me tag along back across the Panama border and I could not have been more thrilled for the experience. Upon arriving in Limón his mother asked why I was staying in a hostel and not with them. That was sweet. Everyone is so lovely and welcoming I could cry with happiness.

My other favorite family is one that I was adopted into unintentionally. This family is beautiful. Beyond beautiful. It consists of a mom, a son, and a daughter in the house. Though of course I met aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandma too- all of which are lovely. Grandma went outside and cut bananas right off a tree and then gave them to me for a gift! This family took me in when I was feeling bummed, and showed me different parts of Costa Rica, they taught me new words and customs, picked me up from the bus station and drove me to two different airports. I can genuinely say that I love this family. I feel bad, I feel truly guilty, that they may not understand that I am not a good family member even in the states. Even that our culture is different in that sense, and I fall on the extreme in the direction of hermit. I think that over time they may believe I don’t want to communicate when this is not the case. I simply live in my own little world.

I miss Central America already. I loved the thrill of walking up to a new house and not knowing what to expect. I truly feel as though they are happier than we are. They are “poorer” (in terms of paper money), they have political issues just as we do, they have environmental issues to work on… and yet- they are closer, and nicer, and much much more welcoming. They support their families because they want to, not because they have to. They know all of their neighbors and they help them out with anything and everything. This is sad… but I can’t tell you my neighbors’ names. I guess that is a lie. I know the lady upstairs is named Paula, but only because she walked into my kitchen without asking when I first moved in and made a damn strong impression. Later she threw her couch off of her balcony and it hit mine on the way down. In addition there is a stain on my bedroom ceiling because she flooded or spilled or who even knows what!... What a bad way to know one of my neighbors. It just feels like I don’t live in a city or building where it is acceptable to knock on someone’s door and ask for an egg. Sad.

And yet- in Central America I found more than one family that welcomed me into their homes without asking for a thing in return and loved me for the strange new person that I was. They trusted me with their home and their things. Home alone even- imagine that? We wouldn’t do that here. In return I trusted them. Imagine that. A world where someone makes the first move to trust another without reason and then the other can trust them right back. It’s too bad we are all too scared to go back to this as it is a rather enjoyable and loving system.

Home Again

I am home again. It almost feels as if my travels were a dream. I miss Costa Rica. The music is better and I like meeting new people. Here I am simply me- back to the old grind. My list of things to do is pretty long. It could be much worse and will probably get there once school starts. Every day since I have returned has been a blur. Everyone wants a piece of my time and some people want multiple pieces of my time. I simply don’t have it to give, and there is little time left for me. My room is a mess, and my apartment needs cleaning, I have to go get my old job back and in a couple weeks I am moving. This, plus I have already gotten back into my volunteering and I am preparing for the upcoming semester.

Tomorrow afternoon I am traveling to North Carolina for the weekend to see a friend from my first time in Costa Rica. I look forward to this as I need a break from being home already.

Also my Birthday is next month. I have created a list of 21 things to do before I turn 21. It is a nice list. I will add it to the plethora of other things I would like to blog about.

Happy Birthday

I was not going to blog more but I really want to talk about how beautiful my day was yesterday. I had spoken with my friend Kristin a long time ago about August 7. It turns out, our dads have the same birthday and she agreed to accompany me to Hooters in honor of my father. When he was alive we always went to hooters for some hot wings on his birthday. I remember being very young and sitting on either his or my Uncle’s shoulders and shielding their eyes from the pretty girls while I gave them misguided directions on how to get to the table. After he passed away almost 7 years ago, my family has held to the tradition. The tradition primarily includes hot wings and carrot cake. He also would have had a beer for sure, and perhaps a cigar. Classy day yes? Hah… So I posted to face book inviting my friends. All I expected was Kristin and maybe one more. Well, 6 of my lovely friends attended a Hooters lunch with me; Kristin, Maribel, Dani, Danny, Drake, and Tony. I sat there at the table and Beamed. Not only was there a Hooters in Costa Rica, but I got to enjoy it with some really relaxing, amazing, smart, kind, funny people. I did not think I would be able to find carrot cake, so I decided to have a beer instead. It was my first day drink, and honestly… I could have done without it, but I felt it was celebratory.

 Later, after my class, I had plans to meet with my friend Alonso for a little while. I have a feeling it will be the last time I see him for at least a few years so this was kind of a good bye beer. I received a tour of the University of Costa Rica and it was so fun to hear the history with a personal spin. Simply listening made me feel like it was a special place even though I had never been before. So we went to a nearby place that was similar in style to Hooters and well, you would not believe it but we went to a place that had carrot cake!! It is not very popular so this must truly have been meant to be. I was very excited and it may just have been the best carrot cake I have ever had in my life. It was delicious, warm, had a baby scoop of ice cream, and a light caramel drizzle. QUE RICO! It was an enjoyable evening. Every need I had was met and I even learned new things along the way. It was not my birthday but I felt the day was a gift to me. I am very thankful.

An Odd Feeling...

I arrived to my Human Rights class today prepared to do one of two presentations and turn everything in. In a surprise move we presented everything today and were relieved from class tomorrow. It really threw me off. After being so homesick and wanting to go home… Now I feel almost as if it ended too soon! I feel both relieved and sad. It is a strangely painful combo. I am in love with this country, with travel, with meeting people. Now that it is almost over I don’t know what to do!

What am I going to do?

Oh the people I have met. . .

I wrote this a few months ago... but I continue to get involved in group work, and it continues to apply to my life...

Untitled.. By Maggan Bolduc

A conversation like no other

One among a series
Open minds and open hearts
Sharing all our theories

Topics come from everywhere
And on the “list” they go
It’s nice to find new souls like this
The kind that help me grow

Then sitting in a classroom

Limits nowhere to be seen
Simply challenges and opportunity
With support on which to lean

The energy doesn’t faze me

As I search within deep eyes
I understand the Pain and Triumph

What I found was no surprise

Now the excitement stirs within me

Nervous and afraid
Feelings so very powerful
It would hurt to let them fade

Everyday has been a lesson
Though no facts are carved in stone
And the speed at which my perceptions change
Chills me to the bone

As I learn that I do not know
It turns out I know even less
And this is what surprises me
And is the fact that I must stress

All I know- Is that THIS is right
…This path on which I walk
For a fire burns within me
Every time we talk

I am so deeply thankful
If only they could see…
The appreciation I have gained
As they share their lives with me

Participating in the Pilgrimage

An excerpt from the Tico Times:

“Every year during the week leading up to Aug. 2, more than 2 million people from all over the world, mostly from Central America and particularly Costa Rica, make their way to the old colonial capital of Cartago east of San José in honor of the Virgen de los Ángeles.

The tradition is known as la romería, or pilgrimage, and the faithful followers come to the Basílica Nuestra Señora de los Ángeles, which houses a statue of“La Negrita,” or “Little Black One,” a 6-inch tall representation of the Virgin Mary.

According to Costa Rican legend, La Negrita has the ability to heal by way of miracles, and whether people come to give thanks to the Virgin Mary or to ask for her help, most of these romeros, or pilgrims, travel by foot – some for days.

Some complete the last few hundred meters on their knees”

La Romería:

Leading up to August 2^nd I had heard of the pilgrimage many times. I always wanted to do it, but did not decide officially that I would until August 1^st when a cab driver convinced my friend and I. As I have made clear before, I am not religious. So while I neither made a request from nor gave my thanks to the Virgin Mary, I did use this opportunity to observe the incredible culture and have my own rather amusing experience.

On August first my friends and I went to see Batman in theaters. Outside of El Multiplaza Del Este there where many young people making their way towards Cartago. They had drums as well as other musical instruments, and were singing merrily. Before the movie I had convinced my friend Brendan to come as well. I mean seriously, when are we going to be in Costa Rica before or on August 2^nd again? When are we going to have this opportunity and amazing people to go with? While waiting for my friend Crystal to change her clothes, Brendan and I had a beer. What better way to start a pilgrimage at midnight than with a beer ehy? Crystal came and then we waited for 7 of her friends to be ready. One of them was wasted, I definitely don’t think that 7 or so beers is the way to start a pilgrimage! We walked slow at first because one of my friends from San Joaquin was in a taxi to meet us in front of the san Pedro Mall. No one else from San Joaquin had wanted to walk.

In total, we were a group of 11. We started our walk in front of El Bar Y Restaurante Los Profesionales at 12:30. After picking up my friend we trekked on until I saw a 24 hour McDonalds. Fun Fact: I have not eaten at McDonalds in years and when I have in the past, it has been few and far between. I took off. Crystal asked, “Where is she going!?” To which Brendan Responded, “I am not exactly sure… she said NUGGETS!!! And took off running”. Apparently you don’t need to be on drugs to really crave some nuggets at 1:45 in the morning, you just need to know you have a long walk ahead of you.

After my break we took some pictures and spoke to some people. We saw all kinds of people of various shapes, sizes, and shades. Some walked with their families, some were with lovers or friends, and some were alone. Some people walked, some rode bikes, and some ran or jogged. Although we were just walking, my personal group of 4 ended up traveling much faster than the other 7. In fact, the drunk girl and one friend fell very very far behind. I found out the next day that she had in fact made it (I was surprised). After a while we officially separated from the 7 and it was just us.. trekking… trekking.

Some individuals on the pilgrimage were making light of it and having fun while others were very serious. I felt that no matter which behavior one was leaning towards, that this was a pilgrimage of devotion to one thing or another; whether that be their religious beliefs, someone they love, or otherwise. . .

It rained. . . We sang. Joked. Laughed.

There was street food all over the place, and I really love street food. It smells sooooo good.

By 3:30 AM we had stopped talking as much, and began walking on auto pilot. We walked by Red Cross huts that were treating the sick or wounded. I was very impressed by the resources available to the public. I have gone back and read articles- of people who have had heart attacks on the walk. Blisters and heat stroke don’t surprise me at all, and heart attacks are understandable as well because it is mostly uphill. Actually… It is UP MOUNTAIN. No joke. That aside, In 2005 two people actually died because they had been hit by cars.  During my walk there were no cars, and the police lined the streets. I have heard that they confiscate drugs from people pretty often. In the past people have been arrested for fighting (+beating their wives), obstructing traffic, and stealing.

Most of the Ticos were wearing scarves, gloves, and hats at this point. They were even selling them on the side of the road, right next to the Rosaries. I remember thinking to myself, “huh- I only bust out gloves when it’s snowing!”.. I think my yoga capris and tank top where a dead giveaway that I was a Gringa (not to mention my white skin and clear lack of Spanish speaking skills). Eventually it stopped raining, and we trekked and trekked and trekked. Every 500 meters or so there were trash cans, and every 4 or 5 trashcans there was a nice recycling center as well. At around 4:15 in the morning, we passed people giving away free little boxes of cereal. I have never been more happy about frosted flakes in my life! If I had more energy I would have sang the HEY TONY song for the whole world to hear. At this point no one else was talking either. Many people were limping. I even saw one man walking without shoes. The streets were now filled with people-both walking and sleeping on the sidewalks. I wanted to know where everyone was coming from! I wanted to ask them how far they had walked.

At 5 in the morning the sun began to rise. At 5:30 we arrived. Hundreds and Hundreds were sleeping on the ground. Hundreds were entering, some on their knees. Flowers filled the Basílica. Thousands were standing around talking and greeting one another. I absolutely would do this again, though I cannot imagine doing it every year. I cannot imagine walking more than the distance that I did. I left Cartago with cuts on the back of my ankles and blisters on my toes.

I had not slept in 24 hours, and where did I go? Well I booked it to the Beach in Jacó of course. Where all my non pilgrimage friends were headed and where I got to enjoy the look of surprise on their faces when I actually made it J This is also where I learned that taxi drivers can pretty much make the impossible happen if they know how badly you want to make a 7am bus at the Coke station. Otherwise they just drive you around and rip you off…

… I later slept on the beach.

A HEAVY Decision.

While being in Costa Rica I have acquired quite a few pounds… in books. My suitcases were pretty heavy to begin with- because I brought too many books- and this is now a problem because I love them dearly and have debated leaving them behind. My Aunt Andrea (and I know she is reading this) knows more than anyone else, that I also happen to very much enjoy clothing. Well, I have decided to donate half of my clothing before leaving Costa Rica… Books are quite a bit heavier than clothing, but I have decided that they are more important to me.

A Little Bit of Home Sick...

A little bit of homesick.

While being here I have learned what “Home” means to me. If you are away from your home for a very long time it is much easier to see what made your home the special thing that it was. I have learned that my home is not simply a structure. My home is my routine and my freedom. I miss being able to cook whatever I want and when I want to. I miss having a place that is mine and where I do not feel displaced or awkward. I miss my school. I even miss my job a bit. I miss my gym and my late night work outs. I miss my friends and family. I miss my sister and her little family a lot. I miss my car. I miss my late night walks with Lisa. I miss having my family so close to me. Though this has made me realize that I could have driven the 30 minutes to see them more often. Now here I sit wanting to pay 900$ just to go for one weekend.  I simply don’t have the money for that so it will not be happening; and honestly, 900$ could be better spent…  I miss lying on my bed with my door open. I MISS MY WINDOWS! I specifically selected my apartment because it was so bright and my room had two walls with large windows… here- I HAVE NO WINDOWS.

The ultimately sad part is that there are others who have never in their lives had the things that I miss. There are people who are stuck in rooms without windows, instead of simply having to live in one. People who have not experienced the freedom in a road trip because they have never had a car. Many can’t afford higher education and do not have jobs. Some people have lost their entire family rather than just parts of it and others have no friends at all. While I am getting fat off of junk food, beer, and being bummed about not being able to exercise- others starve.

I know all of this yet it does not change the fact that I miss my home. I knew I would experience culture shock, but I did not know in which form it would come. I was warned about the ups and downs of studying abroad. It does not make it any more fun. Although I wish I could go home for the weekend, this experience is preparing me for the time when I DO live abroad for a longer period of time. I have learned that I am not ready and I will not be for a few more years. This is okay though, because I still need to see more of the world, I need to study the Spanish language intensely, I need to acquire more skills to use in the field, and I need to be better prepared in general. In a few months I will look back on how miserably I miss my home right now, and I will most likely see more merit in it. Though I must admit- right now it feels pretty darn crappy.

Honk Honk!

In Costa Rica there are many important cultural differences that one must get used to. These include things such as throwing toilet paper in the trash rather than flushing and kissing people on the cheek when you greet them (I love this). There are many many more but there is one in particular I would like to talk about. . . .The honking. This is something I had noticed on my own early on and recently a professor talked to us about it as well. I am going to share with you my observations about what honking is like here in Costa Rica.

In the states, honking is rude or annoying a large percentage of the time. When it does happen to be an excited person honking at someone they know- often the other people around them still think it is rude or annoying. In Costa Rica this is not the case. Here are some reasons for honking that I have seen…

#  1: Someone switches lanes and the cars are very close- HONK HONK! Translation: “Excuse me mam/sir, but I would just like for you to be aware that I am behind and to the right of you.. Gracias!”

# 2: A car does happen to ask permission to change lanes- HONK HONK! Translation: “Excuse me mam/sir but I need to get over there” HONK HONK! “Oh certainly there is room for you, go ahead” HONK HONK! “GRACIAS!” HONK HONK! “MUCHO GUSTO!”

# 3: Occasionally someone will change lanes or come through an intersection too fast and HONK HONK! Translation: “WATCH IT!” or “Can’t you see I am already occupying this space! UGH”  

# 4: A taxi sees you and HONK HONK! Translation: “Well I happen to notice you walking and since I currently do not have any passengers I wanted to make you aware of my presence because I would really like your money, If not- Pura Vida Mae”

# 5: While driving through an intersection the driver fears that someone else may not obey the laws of the stop sign and HONK HONK! Translation: “Excuse me! I just wanted to let you know I am here and I am coming through! Gracias!”

# 6: While driving through and intersection the driver does not plan to obey the laws of the stop sign and HONK HONK! Translation: “HOLA! I just wanted to let you know that I am here and I am coming through without stopping! Gracias!”

# 7: While driving a nice gentle man sees a young lady walking and HONK HONK! Translation: “You look very nice today!”

# 8: While driving a disgusting pervert sees a young lady walking and HONK HONK! Translation: “I LOVE YOU MAMI!”

I am very sure there are more and when I remember them or observe them I will be sure to add on!

Being On The Other Side

Have you ever read unpacking the invisible knapsack by Peggy Mcintosh? If you have not then I would suggest that you Google it. It is a quick and important read and is of the same theme that I am about to attempt to communicate.

I have now been in Costa Rica for 39 days. The first two weeks were easy. When you are surrounded by gringos, have a private bus that carts you around, and a guide that translates everything you could possibly need… Who needs to know Spanish?  There is an easy Answer- no one. It is very much like the United States in that I am able to go anywhere in my country and I am confident that someone could help me to have my needs met. I would never think twice about the fact that I only speak English, and while at times I might notice Spanish I would not feel completely inconvenienced or at a disadvantage for not knowing it. While studying at UPEACE for two weeks I must admit that I felt pretty good when I understood a bit of Spanish. After all, not much was presented to me so I felt pretty good about the amount that was coming my way! How hard could it be to learn more?

Well- As it turns out, it is much harder than I would have thought. My second two weeks here involved a school where if you wanted something from the administration you must first attempt to ask for it in Spanish. It was not uncommon to ask someone that did not speak English, and therefore if you failed you were out of luck until you found someone else. I lived with a family that spoke little to no English. I became a master at smiling and nodding. Hand gestures become much more useful, and not just something that the Italians do. I found that 30% of what I understood was due to my vocabulary, 10% was due to gestures and 60% was common sense from the context of the conversation. This is only of what I understood…. Which- was about 15% of what was presented to me. I continued to learn. We had small classes and in my second week I added private lessons where I had a great tutor. He challenged me more than I would have asked for or thought reasonable to be honest. It is one thing to feel stupid while discussing a topic of which you know nothing. Entirely different to feel ignorant while discussing a topic you have spent years studying. He asked me to discuss with him the similarities and differences between psychology and speech therapy. While I have much to say on this topic- I simply do not have the vocabulary or grammar to do it in Spanish!!

I tried though. Imagine my frustration at being the student that I am in the states; With my grades and my arrogance and my weaseling of the system- and then to be asked a simple question and not being able to say 5 sentences on the matter? It was horrifying. We worked through it. And afterwards he continued to challenge me. You don’t know how many times I growled and said “I don’t have the words” or “I can’t say it” How many times I wanted to assure someone that I actually am a semi-intelligent person. I have even expressed that in the Spanish world I am not that smart.

Now at my new school I am again living in a home where I do not speak English. We travel more here and there is constant threat of being ripped off by a taxi driver. In addition I have had to look up common things that I might WANT to say to a taxi driver when I think he is pulling my leg. Things I would never have to worry about in the states pop up here all the time. In Spanish I can ask for directions easily… Do you think this means I will understand the answer I receive? It absolutely does not. In Spanish I can usually tell someone what I need or want. Will I understand their response? No. Can I say most things that I want to? Yeah! But can I say them in the shortest, most grammatically correct way possible? Heck No- and I mess up all the time.

It is VERY interesting being on the other side of a language barrier. If I thought I had patience for foreign students before this I was wrong. To even think one time that I wished someone could speak faster so that I could leave or so that I could just help them and move on was a regretful thought on my part, and it probably did not only happen once. While I have admired the patience in others while they help I never felt TOO guilty about not having the patience myself- until now. I remember being at a peace conference in Ohio with Barbara and meeting an important woman from Egypt. She was very quiet and we thought she was timid or simply a typical Middle East woman. WRONG. Give a woman a translator and suddenly she is the most amazing person you have ever had the privilege of listening to as she screams outrage at the world.

Many times here I am afraid to try to speak Spanish because I know I am not very good. Many times here I doubt that what I have said is correct. I often wonder if people are making fun of me, and I fear that I will not be able to understand responses. Sometimes I let others speak for me because it is easier, and I almost always regret this. I found a place here that I would like to work. I asked what the requirements were and the first response was, “Are you bilingual?” Damn. Next comment, “Well you’re beautiful and that is half the qualification” HAHA. If only it were the CORRECT half. I am beautiful and yet someone who is ugly, with less specialized education, and with a worse personality would be 100 times more qualified. Therefore, it is not half the battle after all.

I now feel at a disadvantage. If I wanted to go to the hospital on my own I cannot. If I wanted to go to the mall on my own I would not readily know which bus to take. God forbid I ever take a wrong bus I will not easily be able to ask directions for the correct bus. I am constantly in danger of being taken advantage of or lied to. I cannot easily read nutrition information and I cannot read the news without a dictionary. Often I have to ask people to translate certain things and even when I think I know something on my own I could easily be wrong.

The conversation instructor that I had spoken of was incredibly patient. I have gained friends here that have put in great effort. People have extended a hand and helped me in places that I did not expect and I could not be more grateful. While I thought I was aware before I have found that I was not, and I know that I still have much to learn. I hope that in the future I always have this memory of being on the wrong side. As well as that when I meet others in my position; that I can respond in a manner which does not make them feel that they are on the wrong side- but rather a different side.

This is an experience that I would never give up.

Mis Amigos Nuevos de CPI

Here at CPI I have met some amazing people. It is amazing how nervous I was about meeting people I could connect with. I find that I am learning all the time that if I trust myself with my actions, do what I love, and go without hesitation; the people doing the same things are going to be easy to relate to.

This blog is simply a shout out to some of my new friends.

First there is Sylvia- She has already left CPI but she is somewhat of a role model to me (Brilliant, Talented, Adventurous, Kind).

Samantha- Staying behind while the majority of us leave (Lively, Intelligent, Fun, and Full of immense potential).

Sandhya- Heading back to the states soon, but it is okay because her mom is making all her favorite foods J (Bright, Mature, Lovable, Funny).

Morgan- An interesting Spanish teacher that I wish I had spoken to more (again Intelligent, Patient, Helpful, Kind).

Rene- OH MY GOSH, Rene was so surprising, and incredibly talented woman (Brilliant, Funny, Patient, Humble).

Timothy- Oh boy haha, what a good guy, Chivalry is not lost in this one (Soooo Smart, Hilarious, Quirky, Lively).

Caitlyn- Wish I had more time with Caitlyn for she is one of those friends that switches easily with me from serious and deep to light and lively (Funny, Bold, Open, Adventurous).

Rachel- THE SUPERVISOR! And love of our lives, no one could dislike this girl, simply not possible. (Responsible, Loving, Bright, Caring).

Philip- King of the famous Pick Up Line, “Yo Soy Guapo y Tu Tambien” haha. (FULL OF LAUGHTER, Fun, Quircky, helpful)…

I am sure I forgot many people and I am sorry. I love everyone I have met so much. It is SO GOOD.

I just wish we had more time.

The Sound of a Cockroach (Cucaracha)

As I have shared with people before… Living in Costa Rica is an experience where I have come to terms with the fact that I live among bugs. I share my room with hundreds of ants that I can see and I am sure hundreds more that I cannot see. I can count around 20 spiders in my room and I am sure there are more of those too. On more than one occasion I have had to carefully move centipedes to the outdoors, and this is okay. . . . However, there are other times- like when I bit into a fresh Guayabana and it had worms…  where feel I must draw the line.. and it gets worse.

I don’t know what the biggest Cockroach you have ever seen is… but I’m pretty sure I won’t top my recent experience any time soon. A few weeks ago I had a rather large cockroach in my room at a hotel, I thought it was ginormous. Compared to a few nights ago, that first one was NOTHING. I recently encountered a MONSTER in my bedroom. I am going to name him Oscar. Oscar was about the size of a small mouse and I could hear his legs move as he scuttered around my room. Unfortunately I felt the need to kill him because Cockroaches carry diseases and I was afraid he was a she and would lay eggs or something… That night, I had 3 nightmares and woke up many times. I can still hear the sound of him in my mind.

Looking Back At UPEACE

I feel it is necessary to back track a little bit and describe some of my experience with UPEACE. Much of the program was similar to the experience I had had in the past. This time however, my point of view had changed, my role had changed, and my group had changed. I went primarily as a participant but also as an intern. I enjoyed my role in assisting Barbara with things very much. She is an amazing mentor and person. I enjoyed the experiences that were repeated because the information was reinforced and it was interesting to observe a different group. It was an exercise to not spoil activities that I knew the solutions to, and it was an exercise to practice effective facilitation. At times I failed, and at times I succeeded. I observed in myself that I was better at one on one encounters than with the entire group, but I received much practice in both. I enjoyed staying at Canal Grande again because the staff is very much like a family. I feel at home at this hotel, and would gladly welcome the employees into my home in the states.

Some things that were new included a different coffee plantation. At this one we were able to plant coffee, which I enjoyed very much. They told us that they would keep our plants together and if we returned in three years we could drink our coffee. J. Something else I found intriguing was that they said they offered homestays. I am on the hunt for my next international travel to include work experience- which brings me to my next fantastic addition. This time we visited a private school, and a young man gave us the tour in English. At this school I planted about 30 or more trees that were simply seeds that had sprouted, and 2 trees that were about a foot and a half to 2 feet tall already. I would say that this was one of the highlights of my trip. At this school (which I wrote down the information for) they have opportunity for volunteer work for extended periods of time. How amazing would that be!?

Perhaps later the topic of “La Carpio” will receive a blog entry of its own. For now though, I must place it here. La Carpio is a place I would very much like to return to in the future. Through a connection between the University for Peace and The Foundation in La Carpio (which is headed by an amazing angelic woman by the name of Gale) we were able to hear the history of the neighborhood, it’s people, and receive a tour. La Carpio is a piece of land about one square mile in size that is divided into 9 sectors. Due to drugs, crime, and danger in general people are not usually permitted to move freely between the different sectors. Gale is the exception. Walking with Gale made me want to cry. It was powerful. The people passing by not only had respect for her, but they had love. She knew everyone, and had a magical way with the children. They hugged her and she asked them about their days. She knew their families, their lives. She had support for them, and respected their feelings. I could see through her actions and her words how much she cared for them. While normally this would have been a very dangerous experience (35,000 people living in this square mile), with Gale- it was safe. For the most part, these families are Nicaraguans, though their children are now Costa Rican. Gale told me to watch for people’s reactions when I explained that I had spent a day in La Carpio, and I have been. Eyes open briefly in disbelief and then return to normal. Within the first two sentences of conversation I am told how dangerous it is. This is a moment where I long deeply for increased Spanish vocabulary. In the Spanish world I lack the ability to have profound conversation. I feel for the people in La Carpio. It is amazing how kind the people that we met were/are. Willing to share their lives with us, willing to invite us into their homes and introduce us to their families- including a new born baby. They have hard lives- yet the smile, and it is pure. I met an artist that had lost the use of his legs and a great deal of his upper body when he was a child. In august his work will appear in a large exhibit. He regret to us was that his work was unfinished otherwise he would have like to share it with us.

The children in La Carpio appeared to be happy. Though both they and their parents had ripped clothing, and many of the children had caps on their teeth…. They were warm. They have homes. They laughed and smiled and played. I noted that they played in the same water that the dishes were done in, but they are unaware of the fact that children elsewhere would not be permitted to do this. Though they were very observant that we were Gringos (a term for North Americans), the youth of La Carpio do not entirely feel the pain from the difference in quality of life. If they have never known it, how could they? I don’t mean the material items. Those are things that the delinquents are able to steal.. and sell. I mean things such as the feeling of accomplishment after obtaining advanced education… These people are getting by. Often people are satisfied if they have the knowledge that is necessary to get by. Outside of La Carpio however? I am unsure. I know that in my life I desire more… always more. I had a brief discussion about the politics in Costa Rica and how it relates to La Carpio. There is currently a new wave of youth in the neighborhood that will be able to vote in the coming election. Stupidly, I asked what was being done to help prepare this youth for informed decision making. Hah- If only the resources were available. I was answered with the fact that this was not possible because there were more basic/ more important things that must be taught first. Unfortunately this group of youth will go on being easily influenced because critical thinking and informed questioning is currently unattainable. . . and I was assured that they will vote. This is one thing that the people of Costa Rica do DO.

In the coming weeks I will be taking a class on Latin American Politics. It is my hope to advance these thoughts and gain a deeper understanding of the situations in in Costa Rica and Central America. If this happens- I will surely revisit the topic.

Anyway---- While in La Carpio we also picked up trash, and built bunk beds for a family that lives there. I was with the small group that went to the house for final construction and this in itself was an experience. I have some photos and when I have time I will share them. It was an amazing experience to see their life. To kick the soccer ball lying in what could be interpreted as a yard. Though this yard contained no grass- only gravel and broken glass. While the construction was taking place, the children’s’ mom left and returned with a two liter of Coke which she proceeded to pour into cups for us to drink. IMAGINE… a family appearing to have nothing -and certainly they surely lack money, going out of their way to spend money in order to be a good host… It was unnecessary…. Or was it? Certainly we did not need to drink Coke. Though in a world where one party wants to help another without an heir of superiority- without a lowering of one’s self to the others level but rather to help as equals in the human family… this act of love is completely necessary, and it was appreciated.

 Wow- the concept I just brought up is very complicated and I hope that you all understand my point of view. If not we can certainly discuss it later because it is very important and I would not want to be misunderstood. It is a concept I have discussed in detail with a friend from UMASS.

Finally- when the bed was completed, the kids jumped and laughed and smiled. My life became just a smidge brighter. This was an experience I will not forget. If only I could show it through my eyes.

Alas, I have typed a novel… but I feel now I can continue with my more recent experiences. Phew!

Mi Experiencia Religiosa

First of all, there are many topics that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to type about. However, I am keeping my computer at the school permanently because it is safer than carrying it back and forth to my homestay. Although many people have been wondering about my homestay, I would prefer to use this time for now to discuss my recent religious experience.

First I should state that for those that may be unaware; I am an agnostic. Put simply and broadly I neither believe nor disbelieve in the existence of a higher power. In slightly more detail, my personal beliefs include that if an individual person truly believes in god then she/he exists- simply because that person believes it to be true. Similarly if another person of a different religion believes something different, then that too is true- simply because they believe it. This is the power of the mind. I believe we should have respect for all people and their beliefs. I draw the line where one person’s beliefs turn into actions which interfere with the life and beliefs of another. Essentially I believe that all people should love one another.

Now…

I went to Church with my Tico cousin on Saturday night. The service began at 5pm but we arrived around 3:30. For a while we sat under the shade of a water apple tree, and I was given a brief showing of La Iglesia (the church). The first thing that I noticed was that I was over dressed. I had worn a knee length blue skirt and a nice matching tank top and cardigan. HAHA! My first mistake was knowing that I was participating in order to have a cultural experience, and not first asking what I should wear. While approaching the door I observed some people shouting. Promptly, I questions Jefferson as to why they were shouting!? To which he responded, “They’re praying”. VERDAD!? – surely this was something I had never seen before.

Over all, I really enjoyed the building. In general the structure of a church/temple/mosque etc… bothers me. I do not find them to be necessary in order to worship. I believe that people are closest to higher powers outside, not in a manmade structure with fancy décor and strange rituals. I believe people are capable of pure and honest worship in a basic space either alone or with those they love, and at any hour of the day or day of the week- not simply on Saturday or Sunday so that some people can feel better about not being religious for the rest of the days. I must say though. I found myself to be very fond of this structure. It was plain. Simply with a stage and enough space for 1,188 chairs. No, I did not count each one- I know because there were 12 sections of chairs in rows of 9X11.

I also found the people to be very enjoyable. It was a church for young people, and they seemed to really enjoy themselves. The music was amazing as well. I found myself swaying and dancing and smiling. My friend Hannah would have felt right at home, and boy do I miss her.

So all was well….. until the sermon. It was about sex. It was in Spanish, and I understood much of it. I actually understand Spanish multiple times better than I can speak it. The pastor announced and shouted with passion and vigor that it was against god to use birth control, that sex and marriage were only to be between a man and a woman, and that sex outside of marriage was of course a sin. The more he repeated himself and the more passionate about his words that he became the more agitated I felt. This alone would have been tolerable, because I can respectfully listen and it is no big deal. What happened at the end really got me thinking. The pastor asked for those that had sinned to step forward and ask forgiveness from god. Thirty or so youth stepped forward. One by one they fell to their knees and begged the forgiveness of god. Some of those that appeared to be higher up in the church went to them one by one and they spoke. People cried. People sobbed. People shook on their knees and laid their bodies so low to the ground you could have mistaken them for intense physical pain.

This agitated me above all. Why are we falling at the feet of god for forgiveness? Why are we not falling at the feet of those that our actions have harmed and asking for THEIR forgiveness?? How is this more important? Surely forgiveness of god is more about forgiving one’s self, or pretending that one has been forgiven. Though surely also this does not change the consequences of whatever the sin/action happened to be… I truly am at a loss…

El Veintisiete de Junio 1:18pm

I have been thinking a lot about our country and education. Personally, I have felt a little gipped in the past. I realize I could have turned it around for myself somewhere with the correct motivation and self-control, but somewhere along the way an educator let me slip through the cracks. I want to learn for my entire life, yet sometimes I fear I didn’t learn as much as I should while my brain was at the height of its plasticity and ability to develop. Knowing that I have felt this way and that I yearn for increased knowledge and opportunity also leads me to feel a little selfish. If I believe myself to be of average education, where does that put those who have had very little or no opportunity? If I believe that an educator perhaps over looked me, a single person, then surely those that are less fortunate have the inarguable right to feel this way as well. After all, there are many of them. Surely the world is letting them slip through the cracks. Surely the world is overlooking these people.

I had a conversation about privilege recently with an employee at UPEACE. I expressed that I did not believe myself to be privileged- and I was challenged… I have been privileged enough with the opportunity to travel, with people in my life that have encouraged critical thinking and encouraged global awareness and an acceptance of other cultures. There are others out there that have not been given this push. They have not experienced the warmth and love from the world that I have even if it is indirect. Many people have no desire to have this experience. WHY NOT!? To not want this because you do not know that you probably should is a crime against life. It is a very interesting situation…

… While placement of responsibility is argued about and acceptable “efforts” are brought up and squashed- or carried out, people go hungry, starve, lose the opportunity to learn, get hurt, die…

Living my host family has made me think more… but I will write about it tomorrow. I have to leave now. I am going to Santa Barbara to meet the rest of the family! It will take a couple of bus rides and about an hour’s time, but it should be fun!

17/16/2012- 11:11 pm (Now 3 Days In)

Early minor challenges, though they are blips in the radar, have been well handled and have reinforced my thoughts.

Today I was told that I am “worth my weight in gold”. This made me beam. It is wonderful to feel helpful and effective.

17/6/12- 12:34am (Two Days In)

   Travel is exciting. The world is beautiful. People are inspiring. Often things go wrong but solutions can be found.

   I have been here 2 days and already I have begun to work on my two ultimate goals. The first is to satisfy my desire to become fluent in Spanish. To work on this I have continued to use my study tools but I have also practiced here in this beautiful country. Yesterday at La Oveja Negra our server’s name was Julio. He was very nice and I enjoyed conversing with him.

   My second goal is to improve not only my overall knowledge base but primarily my emotional intelligence and leadership skills. This first course at UPEACE is brilliant for thisand I know I will have much practice considering my current role.

   Exploration is essential. Nature is both our mother and our child. Our future is primarily determined by our actions today.

   These are the ideas that I have been thinking about, and that I have deemed to be very important in my life and on my journey.

   Buenas Noches. Es hora de que me duerma.

June 12, 2:32pm (3 Days to Departure)

There is a monster inside of me, and more than half of my energy is being exerted simply to contain it. I have recently acquired an awareness that as the time comes for me to travel… I have a tendency to become extremely stressed. This stress monster rages inside of me with impatience and intolerance for the most part, while at others times bursts with excitement and a longing to get going. Hence, my energy is diminishing due to the calm manner in which I am attempting to carry out these last few days.

I am now finished with work until I return (Sigh of Relief). However, I have about 40 things left on my “Master List of Things To Do Before I Go”. Yikes. I am simply running out of time.

Meanwhile: The massive fire rages on in Colorado and a volcano is erupting in Guatemala. Although I would like to borrow a smidge of Costa Rica’s current rainfall to help out poor Colorado, I’d really like to see lava in person. It seems unfathomable. Volcanic ash shooting up into the atmosphere and molten, fiery, liquid rock oozing downwards? Dangerous and scary? Yes, but also worth seeing once I’d say. Besides; volcanic ash is a contributing factor (pollutant) to the beautiful and breath-taking sunsets we all love so much.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! J

June 7- 2:52am (8 days to departure)

I am starting to feel the excitement throughout every vein in my body- perhaps even every capillary. Are you aware of how many capillaries the human body has? I am fairly certain it is in the billions, and if we were to lay them out- it would be between 50 and 60,000 miles long. To make this clear- I can feel excitement traveling through at least 50,000 miles inside my body; bringing liveliness to every cell. Pretty impressive.

            I just finished another forty+ hour work week. Half of me wants to work as much as possible to take the money and the other half wants to pawn off all of my shifts so that I can lay around and just wait for the day of my departure. Though I’d never really be happy with that, and honestly, the employees that are suited to take my shifts already have 40 hours themselves. Drat.

            I am not tired, but I have a meeting in the morning. I suppose I shall try to sleep now.